Comparing ourselves with ourselves

We're going to be very busy tomorrow, getting ready to go on a trip, then we'll be gone for a few days, so there probably won't be any new posts unless I have time to work on something tomorrow night. I asked Emily to ghostwrite this article for me after we discussed what I wanted to say. I hope you'll read it and give it some thought for a couple of days.

One of my favorite pastimes is reading other people's blogs. Blogs are so creative and inviting, which is partly why I wanted to start my own. They seem to offer a peek into other people's lives, providing an attractive online diary. I sometimes enjoy going from blog to blog and reading what other homeschoolers are doing and teaching their children, especially at this time of year when moms are posting the fun things they've done with their kids to wrap up their school year, what they're doing for summer vacation and what exciting and educational activities they are planning for next year's schoolwork. At times I get encouragement and fresh ideas from blog posts like these. Other times, they leave me feeling overwhelmed and discontented. Sometimes I can get to feeling like everyone else has it all together. They have more fun with their children and do better, more educational things for school. A heavy feeling of guilt sets in, and I find myself trying extra hard to do it all so I can match up with these perfect homeschool families.

It's a common and widespread thing among homeschooling mothers to feel that they are inadequate. So often we suffer from a sinking fear that everyone else's children are getting a better education, having more fun, and are better behaved than our kids. We hope that we can find advice and the missing ingredient to a perfect home by searching homeschool magazines, blogs and books, but all we are greeted with are more samplings of the perfect homeschool family managed by the perfect homeschooling mom who has it all together. You know the type you see on the covers of magazines: the mom, beautifully groomed and with a joyous and peaceful smile, sits with a picturesque stack of books at a cozy kitchen table. Gathered around her in a sort of group hug are a dozen or so children, each laughing happily over their assignments for the day and a plate of whole-wheat chocolate chip cookies. And look! Their matching outfits coordinate with the wallpaper in the kitchen! The cover story inside tells about this perfect family, how they all play three musical instruments apiece, speak Latin fluently, raise their own organic crops, and can recite the entire book of Psalms complete with sign language.

Something about these families gives us an uneasy feeling. While we struggle to give our children a halfway decent education and keep our houses from completely collapsing due to clutter and filth, these moms seem to be able to easily manage their households and give their children college level educations with little or no trouble. Even when we begin to feel proud of ourselves for getting in an entire week of school and a clean house, we're confronted with another perfect homeschooling mom who is doing the most exciting science field trip we've ever heard of. We panic. Somehow, someway we have to match up. So we add this and that to our already jam-packed schedules: science and art classes, music lessons, a new foreign language curriculum, an elaborate field trip. All of these things are nice to do, but they begin to drain us physically. We end up having to throw out the important things so that we can cram in all the extra activities we fill compelled to do. And then we find yet another homeschooling mom doing yet another “good thing” that we aren't doing, and the race continues. It's like a masquerade, where we try to fit in with everybody else and to look just like the way we see them: full of energy, never struggling with homeschooling or children, and having it all together 24/7.

Cycles like these do not only physically drain a woman, but rob her of her joy as well. She feels the need to constantly hide her real self for fear that if others saw her inward thoughts, struggles and problems, they would be shocked. She doesn't even realize that all those other women, with their great English curricula, fantastic summer vacation projects and family chamber orchestras, sometimes feel exactly the same as she does.

God made us all the way we are. He gave me the children I have because He thinks I'm the best person on earth who can raise and educate them, and it's the same with you and your children. The more we try to fit our kids into a mold of someone else's family, the more we are proving to them that they are not good enough until they match up to someone else's standards. We have to remember that God made some families with musical abilities and others with a love and gift for science and still others who can memorize poetry and scripture at the drop of a hat. But that doesn't mean you have to be that way. Find you strength. Maybe you are better at teaching art or history than any other mom in your school group. It's because God made you that way, and it means that you are a unique and special creation.

Jesus said in Matthew 11, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Take off the burden of trying to look and be like everyone else, and put on Christ's yoke. It is easy, and His burden is light.